The People Vs.
05 September 2016

The People Vs. "Smooth As Satin" David Cattin

"Smooth as Satin" David Cattin has been a thorn in the side of KCXW President Jordan Smiley all season long.  How did Cattin achieve his status as the most hated - and most talked about - athlete in KCXW this year?  And what comes next for him now that he has been eliminated from the 2016 Season of Xcellence?  Read on to find out!

By Nate W. Gearhart (@nategearhart)

The saying goes that “there is no such thing as bad publicity”.  Nowhere is this put to practice more than in the world of professional wrestling, where talent can take you a long way, but talent plus controversy can make you a legend.  Ask Kansas City Xtreme Wrestling star “Smooth as Satin” David Cattin, and he might tell you “bad publicity is the only publicity that matters”.  He might even ask “What is the point of winning a wrestling match if no one is talking about it?”  Ever since throwing Lady Pride from the ring through a table in a notorious match at Destiny 2015 (a happening that he can’t seem to not bring up), he has made it his goal to turn every KCXW event into the David Cattin Show.  There have been six events since Destiny, and some have gone better than others for Cattin.  He has won and lost matches, had triumphant moments and embarrassing altercations.  But one thing is certain that surely makes him very happy:  the wrestling world and its fans cannot stop talking about him.

When the announcement came that in 2016 KCXW would feature a year-long, five-team tournament called the Season of Xcellence, Cattin assumed he was a sure bet to be the captain of one of those teams.  After all, no one can deny that Cattin is one of the smartest, most talented and toughest professional wrestlers on the KCXW roster.  He truly is a top competitor for the organization.  However, it is no secret that he is also a loose cannon, an egomaniac who puts his own desires over the organization and the safety of his opponents.  His despicable move on Lady Pride showed just how far he is willing to go to stand out at an event.  So, KCXW President Jordan Smiley could not bring himself to give Cattin command of a team, to be trusted with the safety and well-being of four of his roster mates.  It is also not hard to imagine the President cringing at the thought of “Captain” Cattin being one of the five featured faces of KCXW for the next year.  So when the names of the five captains were announced early in the year, David Cattin was not one of them.

When the KCXW Draft event in April kicked off the Season of Xcellence, Cattin was in no mood to celebrate.  Slighted and embarrassed, he stewed in a corner, the malevolent words of KCXW manager Professor Crippel in his ear.  Crippel’s words echoed David’s own thoughts:  Why shouldn’t he be a captain?  No one in KCXW was more qualified or more talented.  He needed to be a captain.  President Smiley was wrong.  If he wouldn’t reverse his decision, Cattin would make him pay for it.  And so, during what should have been the triumphant end to a successful event – an energetic set by headlining band Exeter - Cattin jumped on the stage, called out President Smiley for slighting him, took a bass guitar from the band, and smashed it to pieces.  By the time security could get to Cattin and drag him out of the venue, President Smiley, left to contend with a shocked crowd and an angry band, could only stand and say “Get him out of here”.

At KCXW: Unleashed, the first Season of Xcellence event, President Smiley knew what to do.  Cattin, one of the most talented and charismatic performers in the organization, had to stay.  But he had to play by President Smiley’s rules.  He kicked off the event by demanding an apology from Cattin.  Cattin, of course, refused, and as punishment found himself in a handicap match against Curtis Wylde and The Troll.  He took such an unadulterated beating that the fans in attendance actually took pity on him.  But Cattin could not let such a devastating loss be the last that anyone saw of him at Unleashed.  Later that night, clearly in pain – by all rights he should have been in a hospital – he limped his way to the ring to make sure every fan, wrestler and especially President Smiley knew how unrepentant he was for his prior actions.  His tantrum was monumental; he did not stop until he had insulted everyone in the venue.  He was a hated man once again, the fan’s pity squashed as thoroughly as his leg was earlier by The Troll.  But if there was one thing he hated more than losing, it was being pitied.  In spite of the epic loss, he proved at Unleashed that David Cattin will play by no man’s rules or fan’s expectations.  In his own way, David Cattin left Unleashed a winner.

Cattin showed at Unleashed that he was indomitable, but what about his Season of Xcellence team, The Pack?  Bigg Dogg, The Pack’s Captain, was surely counting on Cattin’s ring ability to earn his team a good number of points when he drafted him.  But at Unleashed, essentially a man down due to Cattin’s injury, The Pack ended the night with the fewest points of any team.  A fan favorite, Bigg Dogg is the polar opposite of David Cattin in attitude and demeanor; however, one thing they have in common is that they both hate to lose.  By the end of Unleashed, Bigg Dogg realized that as long as Cattin was feuding with the President of KCXW, The Pack would have a very hard time winning the season.  He asked President Smiley if he could replace Cattin on The Pack at Tactics, the next KCXW event.  Smiley and Bigg Dogg struck a deal:  Bigg Dogg could choose any undrafted wrestler he wanted, and he would take Cattin’s place on The Pack – if that man could defeat Cattin in a match at Tactics.  Bigg Dogg chose the young but tough competitor Alex Gutrot.  Smiley, well aware of Gutrot’s rough upbringing and history of street fighting, further stacked the cards against Cattin by declaring the bout a hardcore match.  True to form, the match was a brutal, ugly affair.  Gutrot, born and raised for hardcore matches and hungry to prove himself in KCXW, fought hard.  Yet David, with his tremendous ring-smarts, came out on top.  After the match, Cattin once again insisted that he not only deserved a place on The Pack, but that he should be its captain.  Meanwhile, his team performed a little better at Tactics than at Unleashed.  But even Bigg Dogg would admit that if David had been available for a match worth season points, The Pack might have done even better.  The Bigg Dogg had made a classic mistake:  he bet against David Cattin, and he lost.

Fast forward to late June and KCXW’s first event at the Alamo Drafthouse Cinema in downtown Kansas City, Missouri.  President Smiley was excited to celebrate a new venue, and he kicked off the event with an introduction.  And once again, he was interrupted by David Cattin.  Cattin, still claiming to be unappreciated, underutilized, and underestimated, asserted himself as the greatest talent in KCXW, and he demanded that Smiley make him the Captain of The Pack.  More frustrated than ever, President Smiley decided to raise the stakes higher than ever in hopes that it would mean the end of David Cattin.  He ordered a special match between Cattin and Bigg Dogg for later that night:  the winner would be declared Captain of The Pack, and the loser would be kicked out of the Season of Xcellence.  It was a risk, but Bigg Dogg was a veteran champion and one of the most powerful men in KCXW.  With everything on the line, it was impossible to imagine him falling to David Cattin.  And yet, astonishingly, he did.  The results of the match have proven controversial; Cattin has since denied any wrongdoing, but many in attendance claim he cheated throughout the match.  If there were any rules broken by Cattin, the one man who could do something about it - referee Adam Kennedy – was unaware.  And so regardless of the method, the results were indisputable:  Bigg Dogg was pinned, and David Cattin was once again the victor.  President Smiley’s gamble had failed.  David Cattin, the biggest thorn in KCXW’s side, was now a Season of Xcellence captain.  Outside the ring, Professor Crippel, by now officially Cattin’s manager, threw his hands up in triumph.  And he could not keep himself from laughing.

The end of July brought the next KCXW event:  Double Elimination.  David Cattin had been captain of The Pack for a month, and little has been said about how he managed his team in that time.  What is known is that when The Pack arrived at Double Elimination, they seemed distant and indifferent – hardly like a team at all.  Cattin seemed oblivious to his team’s demeanor, speaking only of his own match and how he could look best in it.  No one was surprised when he made time to enter the ring and gloat that he was finally a Season of Xcellence Captain.  But while David was basking in his new position, the four other captains – “Kingpin” Angel Medina, Captain Shabam, Hollis Giroux, and Kyle King – were fighting with everything they had to avoid elimination. Somewhere along the way, David seemed to forget that becoming Captain was just the beginning – he still needed to lead his team down a long road to victory.  But The Pack failed to win a single match that night, and they were eliminated.  Finally, President Smiley had the last laugh.  For months, Cattin stood his ground against everything Smiley threw at him, and he always seemed to come out on top.  It turns out, all Smiley had to do was sit back and let David Cattin beat himself.

David lost his team as quickly as he had won it, and he was out of the Season of Xcellence.  Soon after Double Elimination, however, came Takeover II, and an opportunity for Cattin to redeem himself.  But the event kicked off with more frustration for Cattin as he found himself on the losing end of yet another match.  A few miscalculations on his own part helped lead to his fall, but Cattin would not stand tall in defeat and learn a lesson.  Not when there was someone else to blame.  That someone, improbably, was his manager, Professor Crippel.  Cattin called The Professor into the ring and lambasted him for being the reason he was on a losing streak.  But Crippel would not take Cattin’s insults sitting down, and he retorted with several choice words of his own (words that no one besides Crippel would ever dare to choose).  Then Crippel slapped him.  What took place next was David’s most notorious moment yet, worse than cheating against Bigg Dogg, breaking a band’s guitar, or even powerbombing Lady Pride through a table.  In retaliation for the slap, Cattin speared Professor Crippel out of his wheelchair, punched him, and suplexed him.  Shannon Reed, the “Bully-Smasher”, came to the ring in time to prevent further abuse, stepping in between the two and kicking off an impromptu wrestling match against Cattin.  Cattin, to the frustration of many, won the match.  And then, he was gone.

What is next for “Smooth as Satin” David Cattin?  He has insulted fans, infuriated management, and alienated most of the talent in KCXW.  David may truly be on his own now, which seems to be the way he likes it.  As long as the Xcellence Advisory Board continues to see talent and drawing potential in Cattin, he seemingly will always have a place in KCXW as long as he wants it.  So what will he do next?  We have seen that he is willing to do anything for the validation he craves.  So, it would be best for the KCXW roster to learn a lesson from Professor Crippel, Bigg Dogg, and even President Smiley, and be ready for anything.  If there is one thing Cattin is quicker with than a superkick to the jaw, it’s a “lesson” for his fellow professional wrestlers in KCXW.  Look for Cattin to turn up when least expected (or wanted) anytime he sees a performance that he feels is beneath his standards.  In David Cattin’s mind, there is a Satin Standard – and he is tired of being the only one in KCXW living up to it.


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